Icha Icha Sensei
by jazzy2may
Summary: Humor, AU, Yaoi, Jiraiya has written a new arch in his series of books and Kakashi is taking the hint! Icha Icha Sensei - Watch out Iruka; he's after you! NO LIKE, NO READ, Go on about your Business.
1. Cleaning Up

**Warning: AU, before episode one, some pervyness. HUMOR, ANGST, YAOI – **

**DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ, DON'T LEAVE A COMMENT ON YOUR WAY OUT.**

* * *

From IruKashiLJ: **A challenge!** ^_^ and an awesomely inspiring idea: The ICHA ICHA SENSEI challenge

"I noticed that Kakashi is only interested in his Icha Icha most of the time, he lost against his students because of it after all and i was wondering if there is a fic where Jiraiya write Icha Icha Sensei and after reading it Kakashi takes an interest in teachers--Iruka. If not would anyone be willing to consider this a challenge i don't care if it's a one shot or a multichaptered one but i would prefer if the rating would be at least R." quoted

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**Disclaimer: Naruto Owned by Viz media & Masashi Kishimoto, I do not own nor do I make profit from Naruto.**

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Title: Icha Icha Sensei

Author: Jazzy

Pairing: Iruka/Kakashi

Rating: M

A Couple of Parts, A ONE-SHOT Story

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**PART ONE**

Kakashi sighed took out his Icha Icha Seducing Sensei, a new story arch in the much loved Icha Icha novels series, it was Jeraiya's sama's best work yet!

It was also quite inspiring. (pervy giggle)

Kakashi had scoped out the academy based on this particular series of novels. He stalked the teachers, one by one, until someone quite unexpected caught his fancy.

The brunette was young and full of life as well as mood swings. A toddler, Naruto Uzumaki, possibly, clung to his legs often as did many of the other pre-genin academy students. That cute little chunin was so devastatingly clueless and stubborn. The kids were always fighting for Iruka-sensei's attentions.

Sometimes Kakshi wished he were a genin again so that he too could fight with the kids around Iruka for Iruka's loving looks and gentle touches. Though not the scary "Teacher is peeved expression" or the "Teacher has assigned homework and expects it done and handed in by Friday" look or the hands on hips the "scream that could be heard all the way in Grass Country and possibly beyond to Ice Country". No he could do without those particular moments which both Naruto and the young Kiba Inuzuka tended to receive from the emotional sensei on a regular basis.

Not to say that Iruka wasn't hot when he was steamed. Nope! Kakashi was turned on by his fiesty little chunin. He was glad he was an adult and that he could enjoy Iruka's temper. Kakashi liked being threatened and yelled at by the young brunette. Kakashi had to admit that whenit came to Iruka he was a masochist. He'd gladly take on anything Iruka could dish him and still beg for more.

His dreams of late were truly impressive.

Like the one from just the other night. Kakashi recalled he was running late for some meeting or other. Kakashi's inner fanboy squealed because he knew what was going to happen to him for being late.

_"Late late late, maybe blushing, angry, beautiful, blushing, masterful Iruka."_

_pant pant, his inner wolf let his tongue hang out then howled its adoration. _

_"Maybe Iruka-Sensei will punish meeee!" _

_"you're late Kakashi-sensei." He purred. "bend over and take your paddling like the bad, bad little boy that you are."_

_No doubt about it, Iruka was going to punish Kakashi good and hard in all kinds of kinky ways, the adorable chunin tortured and tormented and punished the jovial Kakashi. Iruka-sensei menaced him with a paddle and made the "smack smack" noise, his cheery grin somehow turned into a leer. _

_The dream had been pretty hot. He had almost woken up in the middle of it feeling the very realistic sting and burn from the "crack" of impact from the paddle on his bare bottom. Iruka had tied him up, spread him wide and done the deed with slow deliberate torturous movements that had made Kakashi beg and beg and beg._

Kakashi's nose trickled blood. Kakashi felt almost light headed from the memory of that particular dream. Sometimes his mind could come up with a real doozy, even by his own perverted standards. He crossed his legs trying to will his other reaction from the surreal dream to deflate so that he could walk around comfortably and without drawing unwanted attentions to areas not meant to be seen outside of the bedroom or bathroom.

* * *

It was a known fact Iruka was the number one sought after babysitter in all of Konoha. There was not a single mother or father or granny that did not trust Iruka with their young and also the young sought out Iruka on their own as well.

Iruka was greatly admired and loved by the many youth and grateful parents of Konoha, on top of being an excellent Academy instructor and master sensei at such a young age. Iruka obviously knew the book and rules of the shinobi better than anyone save Kakashi, and Kakashi really admired him for it as well as his stamina and courage to watch over little shinobi kids.

Kakashi noticed that Iruka practiced his skills faithfully and regimentally day and night and in secret. Iruka knew well how to hide and make it near impossible for Kakashi to spy on him while he practiced his family arts. Iruka was a ninja to admire stout of heart and hard working.

He took out his book to read per usual and heard a gasp coming from again the young dark haired chunin's direction. Iruka choked, his face blanched pale in his horror. He looked ready to explode over their jounin team leader's choice in reading material.

'Ah', thought Kakashi with some satisfaction, 'the sounds of prudish horror.'

Was their nothing more glorious than that particular sound?

Actually, on second thought, on seeing Iruka's stormy look and the red blush that decorated his cheeks, neck and ears and crawling over his scarred nose, Kakashi had to re-evaluate his earlier delight. No, there was nothing more lovely than a blushing furious little dolphin.

His eye curved up in that happy pervy tilt Iruka abhorred but was generally used to.

The man made Iruka feel scandalized and scrutinized. He never stopped blushing while in the Jounin's presence; which was making Iruka a laughing stock in and out of the academy and the missions' room.

Iruka never knew when Kakashi would tease him next or where he would jauntily pop up next with a lazy, "Yo."

Iruka would have felt stalked but it was such a ridiculous concept. What on earth would make Kakashi stalk someone like Iruka?

Him and Kakashi? What an appalling thought! They'd kill each other inside of a week!

Still, it was rather disconcerting how often they ran into each other. The man was everywhere Iruka was, even when he was doing private things like practicing his jutsu in hidden places, grading school work, or eating alone in some food stand somewhere in the village.

Iruka glared at him then herded his little group of pre-genin away from the pervert reading his nasty book near the playgrounds.

"Children, ignore the nasty man and keep your eyes focused on the Academy!"

Kakashi winced. Iruka could be so mean!

* * *

A few days later

Kakashi had finally decided to act on his obsession. He fingered his hair and tried to slick it back but it stood up even straighter and bushier, his clothes were stain free, his boots sparkly, his slouch almost non-existent, even his book was hidden under a new book cover, "ninja tactics" hand drawn in crayon! He wanted to make a new and improved impression on Iruka-sensei at the missions desk. The line was long but Kakashi was entertained by his Icha Icha Sensei novel. His mission scroll was in peak condition, clean perfectly neat and legible handwriting, the paper was crisp and stainless, there would be nothing in this particular scroll hand in for Iruka to fuss over or get angry about.

"aw how the shinobi never learn" he thought, eye curved in amusement. He admired how Iruka yelled and berated another never-do-well jounin then flash-flamed his sloppy report and pointed the jounin to the back of the line to do it over and to hand it in before the end of shift.

Three desks manned by chunin. Kakashi was fourth in line and waited patiently for his turn with Iruka.

A clearing of the throat and an announced. "Next."

Kakshi ignored it.

Again that same voice politely calling out. "Next."

Again kakashi ignored it. It wasn't Iruka's voice. He wanted Iruka. He wanted to hand his scroll in to Iruka. He wanted Iruka to admire it, and tell him he had done a great job, and that Kakashi had impressed Iruka, and that when Kakashi asked Iruka out on a dinner date, Iruka would agree to it, because he was impressed with Kakashi's efforts at cleaning up his act. Kakashi was pretty proud of his genius and patted himself on the back a little too prematurely.

Again that annoying chunin cleared his/her throat and this time addressed him. "Kakashi Hatake-Sama, I am available to accept your scroll, please."

Kakashi blinked frowned, then stepped behind the person behind him in line. He did that two more times garnering odd looks from chunin and jounin of various levels.

No one could figure out Kakashi's game until one or two them speculated slyly, shifting their eyes from Iruka to Kakashi and back again. Did Kakashi have a prank up his sleeve to play on Iruka-sensei or was this something else entirely?

Iruka was loud as he yet again yelled at another unfortunate loser of a shinobi. Kakashi grinned feeling his heartstrings float on the sound of Iruka's loud outraged voice.

No sooner then Kakshi stepped up to hand in his report a chunin stepped in and whispered something urgently into Iruka's ear, causing Iruka to pause, frown, then nod his head.

Iruka looked to the line of jounin, to Kakashi in particular who had his scroll out and waiting for Iruka to take from him. "My apologies, the Hokage has need of me, and my shift has ended. Masaki-kun would be more then willing to assist you with your report, Hatake-san."

Kakshi froze at Iruka's polite smile, feeling his heart stop, feeling his breath crushed from his lungs as a huge fist squeezed painfully against his ribcage and tore out his heart.

NOOOOOOOO!

He'd lost his cool and was in a panic. "But, but" gasped Kakashi, "You have to take my scroll."

"Again my apologies, Hatake-san," said Iruka, standing firm. "But Masaki is more than capable of assisting you at this juncture, good day."

Iruka turned on his heel and walked swiftly from the room to the Hokage's office.

Kakashi deflated, he slouched then promptly glared at Masaki and the rest of the mission desk chunins.

_I'm not giving this report to anyone but Iruka! And that's final. so there, naaa!_

He huffed and then flashed a quick sequence of hand signs and poofed out of the mission room, leaving an excess of smoke and leaves behind him in his wake and a few choking ninja too.

"Wonder what's up with my eternal rival." Murmured Maito Guy, the Green beast of Konoha, suspiciously.

* * *

TBC

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	2. Unforgiveable Impressions

Shinobi began to speculate. Hatake Kakashi was not acting like himself. Concerned they approached the Hokage, The Sandaime Sarutobi Sama. The old man scratched at his beard and mulled over the voiced worries of his shinobi. He lit his always present pipe and continued to put on his thinking cap.

He looked at the young sensei, his favorite in this generation. Iruka was his most trusted and devoted desk ninja and secretary. He quickly hid a smile from the suspicious glare shot his way from the hot tempered youth. 'Well, this is a surprise.'

"Hokage-sama, you must think of your health. Tobacco will kill you."

"ma maa, Iruka-kun you worry far too much. I live the life of a Hokage and Shinobi, trust me, a kunai is more apt to kill me then this little bit of weed." Sarutobi-sama replied serenely, almost teasing.

The boy scowled, then ventured a pleading look to Asuma Sarutobi, the Hokage's son, who was also in the midst of lighting a cigarette, Iruka glared, but finding no help from anyone for the time being Iruka sighed defeated for the moment.

"What about Hatake-san, do you think he might be an infiltrator?" asked the concerned Iruka, then he frowned as a dark thought flushed across his face. "An he has yet to turn in that blasted report!"

Sarutobi pouted. "Always business Iruka, can't you let an old man sit quietly for a moment?"

The boy blushed, stuttered, and dove back into his paper work. Sautobi smirked, victory, for the moment, was his.

"By the way, how are things at the Academy?"

Iruka began sorting the files a little faster refusing for the moment to speak. "It's a challenge." He finally replied reluctantly.

"Are you enjoying it?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama, I believe that I am. But for the pervert that keeps reading his books near the school yard." He frowned darkly, chakra manifesting for a moment in a rare show of black mood.

"ah, I see."

_Kakashi, how transparent of you_. Mused the Hokage. _Poor Iruka so oblivious to your own charms. You must be driving poor hound out of his already insane mind_. The Hokage's Inner child giggled and wiggled its little fingers together in glee. Outwardly though he kept his poker face on.

"He thinks he can hide his books under those fake crayon drawings on a paper bag book cover, but it's so transparent!" Iruka scoffed. "And people think he's a genius!" Iruka glowered darkly at the unlucky Anbu and Hokage in the room

"And he thinks he's sooo superior too!" Iruka complained trifling with his papers.

"Now now, Iruka, whatever happened to that compassionate heart of yours?" asked Hokage trying to keep things on the cool.

"ooooh! He's just so irritating!" growled Iruka, files combusted and turned to ash in another show of ill temper and very little chakra control.

"Control, Iruka, your control." chastised the Hokage.

Iruka looked shocked and horrified by his loss of control. He was utterly ashamed and though he didn't need to do so, Iruka groveled. "I am so sorry. Please forgive me, Hokage-sama. This will never happen again, I swear it."

The Hokage waved his hand in that usual tolerant, all's forgiven kind of way of his. "You're just lucky that I like you Iruka." Smiled the Hokage, teasingly.

Iruka turned crimson, so ashamed. "I am so sorry, Hokage Sama."

"No need, no need, best get those copies of those files replaced, eh?" smiled the Hokage kindly. "oh and how is little Naruto-chan?"

Iruka blushed self consciously. As the kyuubi's teacher Iruka had to make a weekly report to the Hokage on the boy's progress and social interactions. So far Iruka had a dismal report. It was depressing. The boy was such a sweetheart but everyone ignored him or picked on him. Iruka bit down on his sense of injustice and the tears he wished he could shed for Naruto's complete isolation and loneliness. Naruto was only a boy. But Iruka was new to the job and profession he didn't know what to do to help Naruto. His lack of experience was beginning to hinder him.

He felt particularly useless when it came to Naruto. As much as the good part of him wanted to love and protect Naruto there was still a small petty part of his heart that had not forgiven the beast inside the container, which made it even more difficult for Iruka to help Naruto. He was a conflicted young man and unless he could break through the conflict he wasn't going to be of any help to any of his students but most importantly to Naruto who had such great need for a role model and caregiver.

"Don't forget, Iruka-kun, to write that report. All right?"

"Yes, Hokage-Sama."

"And the next time you see Hatake-san reading near the playground, feel free to tell him to give me a call?" asked the Hokage. "and I will take care of this little issue once and for all, for all who are concerned."

"Yes, Hokage-Sama, uh but uh what about Hatake-san, is he or isn't he an infiltrator?" asked Iruka remembering his question from earlier.

Sandaimer blew a smoke ring and sighed. _Darn, I thought he'd let that go_! "Er, well, to be honest with you Iruka-kun, I think Hatake is just trying to make a good impression on someone special." _There! That should take care of it. Hehehe!_ said the mischievious inner child.

Iruka frowned puzzled. He didn't get it. "But Hatake-san could have anyone he wanted. All he needs do is snap his figners and well..." Blush, blush. "You know. Anyone. Its said, well I know its gossip but, Hatake-san is so well admired by everyone that people throw themselves at him shamelessly all the time. Who could possibly resist Hatake-san to the point that he would go to such efforts to win them over?"

_So oblivious! How did he make it to chunin? Oh, I remember don't tick Iruka off, rule number one, rule number two, fear the Iruka, his pranks are terribly destructive and inventive, and three, Iruka is a well trained and excellent shinobi, a model of strength loyalty chakra control and mastery of the basics of the shinobi ways and arts._

The Hokage refused to take the clueless bait. Instead he bit down on his laghter and shooed Iruka out the door on another errand of desk ninja needs.

After Iruka was gone the Hokage let down his poker face and let out his laughter until he fell from his chair tears streaming down. Asuma and the Anbu both joined in their Hokage's laughter.

Oh Hatake you're trying too hard.

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**tbc**

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	3. Anger Management

**Warning: AU, before episode one, some pervyness. HUMOR, YAOI – DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ, DON'T LEAVE A COMMENT ON YOUR WAY OUT.**

Disclaimer: Naruto Owned by Viz media & Masashi Kishimoto, I do not own nor do I make profit from Naruto.

* * *

A challenge! From IruKashiLJ: ^_^ and an awesomely inspiring idea: The ICHA ICHA SENSEI challenge

"I noticed that Kakashi is only interested in his Icha Icha most of the time, he lost against his students because of it after all and i was wondering if there is a fic where Jiraiya write Icha Icha Sensei and after reading it Kakashi takes an interest in teachers--Iruka. If not would anyone be willing to consider this a challenge i don't care if it's a one shot or a multichaptered one but i would prefer if the rating would be at least R." quoted

* * *

Title; Icha Icha Sensei

Author: Jazzy

Pairing: Iruka/Kakashi

Rating: M

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PART THREE

His chakra was a raw red, there was a rare moment when he was not so angry that he could kill his allies and enemy alike as well as flay alive a few chosen children and one extremely annoying grey haired Cyclops with a pervy smirk under his covered face. Hatake was the straw that was breaking this particular camel's back.

The stress of dealing with miniature shinobi and not so miniature shinobi was starting to grate on his nerves. It was rare these days that Iruka didn't suffer from throbbing pain in his jaw from grinding his teethe, to the vein that liked to pop in his forehead. His blood pressure was becoming scary, his pinched nerves were so frayed and so thinned that it had become a problem. His kunai and shurikan were seeing more action these days then in the year before, even in Naruto's classroom, in today's classroom and at the mission desk, children and shinobi alike had almost been severely injured by his perfect aim and quite recently blinding speed.

Iruka usually didn't consider himself a blood thirsty or violent man, what he will grudgingly admit to is a short temper. And on recognizing this fact and the fact that on nearly killing the Third's grandson for the fourth time in as many days, Iruka decided it was perhaps time for him to seek professional help.

Anger Management

It started with one-on-one conversations with his therapist then moved to private journal, and a near commitment to group sessions, but instead settled on privacy and the elegant and simple recording of his moods and dreams in a journal. It was decided that using this journal would be key to figuring out his triggers and then from there to find techniques to avoid the triggers control over him and turn him into his violent blood thirsty murderous rage induced maniac alternate self.

Most recently in using this technique Iruka has realized that one major trigger for his emotional meltdown has been one: Hatake Kakashi, team leader of team seven, Naruto's Jounin instructor. Kakashi had been bugging Iruka for four years now and Iruka couldn't figure out what he had done in his twenty odd years of life to deserve such hazing as he had received from Hatake for all that time. Four years of harassment and still Iruka could not figure out why Hatake was so interested in screwing with him on an almost constant basis.

This Jounin was a perverse one. He had actually volunteered take on Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura, for his reason…. well currently it was unknown, at least to Iruka and his reasons only suspected by those strange Jounin who delighted in hoarding secrets and never letting the little treasure out into the public knowledge

Iruka felt irrationally as if everyone knew some secret that he did not, for when he would ask them in a sensitive manner and in a round-about, beneath-the-beneath kind of way, he was constantly running up against amused twinkling eyes and complete silence and a change of subject on the subject.

Iruka figured Hatake only volunteered because he knew Iruka had been the three students' sensei previously and in becoming their new Jounin Sensei it would give the perverse and smug and irritating bastard more excuses, more chances and further time to irritate and hassle and harass an already overloaded Chunin Umino Iruka Sensei.

But lately Iruka had been feeling less irritable and calm. He felt his techniques and hard work were at last paying off. He felt happier then he could recall in recent memory thanks to his therapist and his private journal.

* * *

An explanation of his techniques which he followed as a new convert:

**Technique:** Private time: Recognizing the need for isolation and assert his rights and make it happen; a moment or longer of complete isolation from others. A time only for himself, no noise no paperwork, no one and nothing, well except maybe nature. Like a walk in a non populated area where he could watch the birds or the wild life like deer and rabbits and flowers.

**Another Technique**: Calming music, soft music, music made with wind or string instruments, no rock-n-roll, mood enhancing, classics, or instrumental music only.

**Another Technique**: Breathing exercises, and deep self hypnosis and meditation.

* * *

These techniques really seemed to be working for him. However there was still that one pesky little problem Iruka was still experiencing.

Hatake Kakashi.

Avoidance didn't seem to work at all. Mainly because thanks to his job at the missions' desk, Team Seven, mainly Hatake Kakashi was always there handing in some less then standard document, sloppily put together and stained with the gods only knew what substances, and thanks in part to Iruka's paternal feelings towards and spending time with young Uzumaki Naruto, wherein the Jounin just had to tag along, including eating off of Iruka's hard earned dime.

Iruka prayed constantly for patience and self control. But it didn't seem to be working. Therapy could only do so much. Iruka was at wits end with how to deal with the aggravating Hatake Kakashi.

Iruka knew he was being stalked by the masked man. He'd even put in a formal complaint against Hatake but because Hatake was Hatake there was no proof and nothing could be done about it.

Slick bastard!

Why did Hatake need to know where Iruka was at any given time during the day? Why Kakashi feel he had the right to check up on him, and know what was going on in his life was beyond Iruka's understanding. It was none of that perverted Jounin's business what Iruka did in his private life away from the Academy and away from the missions' desk and away from being the third's personal secretary.

If no one could find Iruka, or if Hatake hadn't seen Iruka for a while, Hatake simply sicked his hounds on Iruka's trail.

It was humiliating and freaking embarrassing to be treated like a way ward child without a single brain in his head. Just thinking about the last such incident nearly had Iruka flash flame yet another sloppy Jounin's sloppy report.

* * *

Usually of late, everyone tiptoed around Iruka. They walked on eggshells, if you will, around the temperamental highly emotional Chunin Sensei. No one wanted a water attack or a flame attack or another shurikan or kunai sticking out of their armor. Iruka was deadly wicked with those things and if he ran out of them he could turn a paperclip into a deadly weapon, or the stapler with its little tiny innocuous staples could be turned into a weapon of mass destruction. Or if one was lucky one could instead court Iruka's typical version of revenge, a prank a joke a tiny bit of humiliation that one could walk away with but not with one's dignity attached.

Though which was better was up for debate.

Injury or humiliation?

If one had the choice they would instead choose the teleportation jutsu or the replacement jutsu, but who was so terrible enough to deserve such a punishment? Well, more often then not, many jutsued Kakashi into taking their place. But again because Kakashi Hatake was who Kakashi Hatake was, Iruka's techniques though growing in strength and variety was still quite easily counter measured by the ever graceful and powerful Hatake Kakashi.

Kakashi treated it as some form of game which of course had the much foreseen affect of enraging Iruka to the pique of temper, at that point not even Kakashi could defend against his cute little love-dolphin. Iruka in a rage was simply breathtaking, of course no one was going to tell Iruka that, especially not Kakashi if he wanted to live or better yet keep his lower appendage and any possible chance of bedding Iruka successfully, in tact.

* * *

Everyone tensed as they felt that familiar thrum of racing chakra. Iruka's face seemed to slowly get bigger, the vein in his forehead throbbed back to life, color chased after color across his face in warning, the colors and facial expressions were a form of scale of balance, a pendulum swinging from one emotion to the next, tipping the Shinobi to the fact that they were coming dangerously close to combustion point.

But surprise, Iruka took a deep deep breath held it then let it out in a slow cleansing stream, his chakra dropped, his color evened out into its usual bronze tones, his face became placid and a small business-like smile plastered itself to his face. It was kind of eery, almost scary, how Iruka had gone from near combustion point to self containment in fifteen seconds flat.

Shinobi blinked.

Kakashi waited muscles trembling, exhilaration singing in his veins, only to feel his feelings plummet as his lovely academy sensei, his little love-dolphin, turn placid. Kakashi blinked. Iruka usually came out of his chair kunai flying at about this point in the morning when introduced to crappily filled out forms.

"Thank you for your hard work, Sarutobi-san. But if you will please, fill out a brand new form in clearly printed neat hand writing, that would be even more appreciated." Smile, smile.

It looked as if it hurt.

* * *

Kakashi tip toed carefully up to the Chunin. He felt afraid. This could not possibly be his Love-Dolphin. This had to be an imposter! He noted that he was not the only Shinobi making gestures of the "break genjutsu" hand signs. Still, there was no poof of smoke, no sudden transformation, no dizzying change of scenery, no, this Iruka was still seated in his place at his desk, smiling politely at the gaping masses of Shinobi.

Kakashi decided this called for even further drastic measures.

"Uh, Iruka Umino-Sensei, are you perhaps feeling under the weather?" Wrong question. If Iruka was sick, he'd be even more cranky and irritable then usual. Iruka didn't do placid and calm when he was sick. He did dramatic and pissy.

"I am feeling fine, thank you for asking, Hatake Kakashi-sensei." Smile, smile.

Kakashi shivered. "Are you… sure?" he asked.

Iruka smiled even wider, more brightly then even the Green Beast.

"Quite." Iruka replied, gently.

Kakashi decided it was time for step two. Fingers shaking a little, Kakashi poked Iruka. He felt real enough, but this couldn't possibly be real. This couldn't be Iruka.

Iruka gave him a questioning look as did many of his fellow shinobi.

* * *

Kakashi continued to poke Iruka for the rest of the next hour.

Poke

Poke

"Am I bothering you?" inquired Kakashi.

Iruka shook his head and looked to the next ninja that was standing in line. "Your report please. Thank you for your hard work."

Poke-poke-poke

Poke.

Poke

Poke

"Are you sure this isn't bothering you, Iruka-sensei?" asked Kakashi, acting innocent.

Iruka took a deep breath and held it then let it out. He did this several times. Managing to just barely keep hold of his composure. But everyone could feel the chakra building. Everyone could see the fine cracks beginning to form in Iruka's smiles and self control.

* * *

Poke

Poke

Poke

The shift finally ended and thinking that Kakashi would at long last relent and give up his idiotic poking, Iruka locked up his desk and tried to make his way home, just barely holding on to his self control, however Kakashi was not giving up.

Poke

Poke

Poke

The pokes were edging lower and lower till finally, the snapping point, Kakashi's hand groped Iruka's fine taught ass.

Iruka's flare up could be felt throughout the village as could Iruka's shriek of outrage, followed by the sound of bodily harm and one not so quiet outraged shinobi in training joined forces with his sensitive sweet sensei and together they forced Kakashi into the ground. With one last pile driver, Kakashi lost consciousness and Iruka and Naruto flounced off to their home for the night.

* * *

Naruto crowing loud and hard all the way home, over his victory over Kakashi, and proclaiming guard duty of his poor sensei from the perverted Bakashi Sensei.

"Don't you worry Iruka-Sensei, dattebayo! I wont let that pervert touch you again!" growl, stomp stomp of petite growing little boy feet.

Iruka smiled down at his disciple and gently scrubbed fingers through thick scruffy blonde hair. "Thank you Naruto-kun, I am sure I will sleep much easier tonight." He chuckled warmly. Naruto's sapphire wide bright eyes squinted as he smiled his foxy grin up at his favorite sensei.

* * *

Kakashi came to as Anbu medics tended his wounds and the Hokage was smoking his pipe chortling over Kakashi's condition.

"You're trying too hard, Kakashi. Four years is a long time, don't you think, to keep this little routine of yours going? Confess your feelings already. The two of you are driving your peers absolutely mad."

Kakashi scowled then pouted as he felt an unusual sense of discouragement flow through him. "Iruka hates me." He whimpered pathetically, sniffling and fighting manfully against the encroachment of tears in his eyes.

Dynamic Entry! Sparkle Sparkle.

"Never fear my rival, Kakashi, for I, the Great and Mightiest of Youth, the Green Beast of Konohagure shall endeavor to help you win your honorable, beloved, and most youthful Iruka Umino-Sensei! Or if I fail I shall bounce up and down from roof top to ground to roof top five thousand times in one hour!"

The Hokage was a smart man a brave man but most importantly a very smart man (notice how I say he's a smart man?). This smart man quickly retreated from the room and pretended, for his sanity's sake, not to hear what the Magnificent Green Beast had to say or how he goaded Kakashi into following his advice.

* * *

TBC

* * *

Does anyone have a copy of this story: "Stuck In the Middle With You. by cityneko  
I realize this author has decided to quit from fanfiction permanently, however I was wondering if anyone had saved a copy of the work and would be willing to send me a copy of it? sincerely Jazzy

"Stuck In the Middle With You. by cityneko  
Summary: Everyone needs a family & Tsunade is very good at family planning. Gaara had already found his mother in Iruka. Naruto and Sasuke will too - they just don't know it yet. Can Kakashi be the father they never had? You must be joking."


	4. Run For It

**PART FOUR – Not Quite The Finale-**

Kakashi reread his Icha Icha Sensei novel five more times to try and get a clue as to how he could possibly win his delectable sensei as well as whisk Iruka away from the possessive currently guarding him day and night, Kyuubi-watch dog, his little soldier aka his student, Naruto Uzumaki, currently a kunai in Kakashi's rear-end.

Kakashi pouted.

The kid would make a fine shinobi. In fact he was winning more points every day. The only thing Naruto needed to learn was how to recognize his true enemies, of which Kakashi was not one of them!

Kakashi continued to pout even as he perused his book from the overhanging branch in the Academy school yard.

Naruto was glaring from the school roof top at his Jounin sensei. Eyes glowing that eerie red. While down below, oblivious as usual, was the lecturing Iruka-sensei currently scolding a less then penitent Sarutobi Konohamaru.

* * *

Sasuke Uchiha was slouched in the doorway of the building watching the stand off between jounin sensei and genin student. A waste of time and training. How was Sasuke going to get strong enough to defeat and kill his mass murdering brother, with this major interruption going on?

Sasuke spied his own kunai in the side, Sakura. Sasuke felt a chill run up the back of his spine. Sakura was watching everything with a speculative and quite nasty little gleam in her eye that made even Sasuke shiver in terror. Fan girls! Eeek! Screamed the little boy inside of Sasuke in fear, quaking in terror. She was plotting something. Something along the lines of all fan girls most likely. But what could it be? And for who?

Yes, Sakura was definitely plotting something.

"This is definitely going to need a girls' touch." She murmured, rubbing her little hands together in anticipation of her victory to come.

Sasuke decided he needed to go practice alone in the woods, far, far away from team seven for the next couple of days until whatever storm was coming had blown over and things were back to normal around Konohagure.

The only question was; should he kidnap Naruto and save the both of them from Sakura's evil? Or should he abandon the Dobe to his own misfortune?

_Those that abandon their teammates are the worst of scum, the lowest of the low, complete trash_. Came Kakashi's voice in his head. Sasuke sighed. Naruto so deserved whatever it was Sakura was planning for being such a numbskull, and yet, he couldn't just abandon his teammate. Sasuke may be many things, but scumbag wasn't one of them. (at least not for this time and in this story)

* * *

Meanwhile Iruka felt an entirely uncomfortable itch crawl up his spine as his fate was being contested and thoroughly played with. It felt really creepy to note that there were several familiar chakra signatures all throughout the academy, one of them the infamous super pervert, and all around super hero, Kakashi Hatake, the other the Green Beast, and several genin and chunin, watching the spectacle that was Umino's current life. Iruka would have felt nervous but he was after all a teacher first and a chunin second, after surviving the academy, his own genin tests and the chunin exams as well as surviving his first few Academy years as a sensei, as well as surviving Naruto as a student, there was very little that Iruka couldn't handle, but for some strange reason, name it the natural order of all things male and therein, the fear of commitment, something was telling him, he was in danger, big, big danger.

And for the first time in many, many years Iruka decided to listen to that small tiny little boy's voice inside of his heart that screamed.

"RUN AND HIDE STUPID! RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, RUN, RUN FOR YOUR FREEDOM AND HIDE, HIDE, HIDE."

With a few swift hand gestures and a swirl of leaf and water evaporating into mist Iruka disappeared and made a run for the safety of a hidden place away from his pursuers.

* * *

TBC

* * *

The finale coming soon!


	5. Sexy Santa

Title: Icha Icha Sensei  
Author: Jazzy  
Pairing: Iruka/Kakashi  
Rating: T  
A Couple of Parts, -** okay, now about six parts long  
**A ONE-SHOT Story

* * *

**PART FIVE**

The scantily clad or rather in some opinions, sexy Santa, or as Iruka calls him, the Perverted Santa stood inside of the academy blocking the hallway and pre-genin traffick. It was a friday and the last day before winter vacation.

Iruka wasn't expecting it. He didn't think that even if he had been warned he still wouldn't have been prepared for it. The vision of a scantily clad, perversion of that reverent and jolly old sole, Iruka as well as his students were traumatized by the one dressed in a stripper's version of Saint Nick.

IT WAS A PERVERSION!!!!

"Sa- sa- Santa?" asked one quivering lipped mini-nin. Big Blue eyes turned moist as he realized that sacred saint and all things wonderful was actually a true myth.

Within a blink of an eye, seeing that Iruka had to save Christmas, immediately as well as scourge the trauma from his mind and the minds of his tiny little charges, Iruka let fly what he liked to call, "Scorched Chestnuts, Flames of the Righteous" the imposter let out a squeak as flames nearly seared his nether regions.

"Holy Night avenged, ice dragon from the coldest depths of the north pole, take flight and smite this atrocity" prayed Iruka letting out a water type attack. He chased Kakashi out of the academy, intermingling water and fire in intervals, Kakashi ran without thinking, not even trying to defend himself from his outraged love, and soon Kakashi found himself face down in a snow bank, while back in the academy.

Iruka was like a ninja possessed as Kakashi was ousted from the academy and in seconds the whole academy was boarded, protected, locked up tighter then Hokage tower in the midst of a battlefield. Windows were nailed and boarded shut, doors likewise, with super speed. Tap tap tap, thump thump thump, ping, ping, tap, tap. The academy was locked tight. A fortress against the assault of the perversion that Kakashi had made Santa into.

Along with the boarded nailed up school, Iruka had planted quite a few serious traps. And was very satisfied to hear his enemy squeak, grunt, cry out in agony, and shriek in pain, as he failed to enter the academy. What was left of his clothes could be little described as perhaps, a red and cotton loincloth, but surprisingly his cap was still perched atop of his downy head as he lay in the snow, badly bruised, scorched and bleeding, deservedly so.

Hammer still in hand his face still in the mask of battle, with the aura of the righteously peeved, Iruka glared around the academy at the gathered stunned chunin teachers and pre-genin students.

The children immediately felt relieved however they had to wonder, would they be able to leave the academy? Not that quite a few of them wouldn't mind not returning to the academy but, how the heck were they supposed to leave? They were all trapped inside with their teachers and fellow students.

"THAT" growled Iruka. "WAS NOT SANTA!"

Naruto continued to sniffle. "H-how d-do you, sniffle, know, sniffle, Ruka-sensei?" sobbed the little fox boy.

Iruka bit his lip. "well, Santa is magical, and can only appear at night. He is pure and loves children. He does not wear- er" STRIPPER "wear uh, he wears nice clothes that Mrs Clause made for him. Yeah, and those were obviously cheap knockoffs from a low class establishment."

The children all agreed with their teacher, even though they couldn't figure out what he meant but obviously if Iruka-sensei said it wasn't Santa then that guy was not and could never, _never_, be Santa.

Shino was the first to approach the subject of getting home.

Iruka sensei blushed and laughed embarrassed as he scratched at his scarred nose. "Er, well, umm, we'll leave when the pervert is out of my radar." He smiled pleasantly.

Iruka's radar was well known to his more troublesome students. Iruka never lost a kid. He hunted them down for as long as it took to get them back in class or in detention. The teachers decided to play an impromptu game or two, raided the cafeteria for hot chocolate and eggs for eggnog. The decided to have a miniature party and keep the kiddies entertained until Kakashi got a clue and disappeared.

"He's an idiot." Muttered Iruka. How can he possibly be a genius? I don't understand him at all. Maybe he's what the name, an idiot savant?

An hour later Kakashi crawled away to lick his wounds at the hospital. Iruka made some clones then pried open every board and nail and window, allowing students and teachers to finally pass and go home.

* * *

**HOSPITAL - Kakashi's bedside.**

"MY HIP AND MODERN RIVAL, WHAT HAS GONE WRONG? DID YOU NOT DO AS I SUGGESTED TO CAPTURE THE HEART OF THE PASSIONATE EVER YOUTHFUL EXUBERANT AND HIP IRUKA-SENSEI?"

"DID YOU NOT READ LOVE POETRY UNDER A STAR-FILLED CLEAR NIGHT SKY? DID YOU NOT WEAR A CUTE OUTFIT TO ATTRACT THE FAIR IRUKA-SENSEI'S YOUTHFUL EYE? OR SING A FAIR MEOLDY OT MELT HIS YOUTHFUL HEART?"

Kakashi scowled at his self-proclaimed rival and well, (wince) best friend.

"It didn't go well." Replied Kakashi in a weakened voice, it was raspy from its adventure in scream like a little girl in extreme agony land.

"I DO INDEED SEE THIS MY RIVAL, HOWEVER I MUST ASK, THOUGH UNGENTLEMANLY OF ME, YOU DID NOT PERHAPS READ THE INFAMOUS ICHA ICHA RENDITION OF LOVE POETRY?"

Kakashi's bright pain medicated hazed eye gleamed, it was answer enough for Maito Guy, who with a heavy sigh sat down in the chair by the bed and shook his head.

"MY HIP AND MODERN RIVAL, EVER SO COOL, BUT PERHAPS YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN ONE LITTLE THING. THE FAIR AND SMITTEN-WORTHY IRUKA-SENSEI IS A MOST HUMBLE AND MODEST MAN. SUCH INFLAMING THOUGH I AM VERY SURE LOVE-INDUCING PASSIONATE READING WOULD NOT GO SO WELL FOR HIM. ESPECIALLY WHEN DONE UNDER A WINDOW WHERE CHILDREN MAY BE PRESENT. MY RIVAL, HOW CAN YOU BE SO CARELESS? DO YOU NOT WANT TO WIN THE FAIR IRUKA-SENSEI'S HEART?"

Kakashi sighed and buried his face under his hospital blankets. "I am a failure." He whimpered.

* * *

The Hokage decided it was time to take matters in hand. Things were far too out of control between Iruka the oblivious and Kakashi the outrageous.

"Initiate Mission: Trap of Love" commanded the Hokage smirking behind his pipe.

The Anbu went into immediate action. Iruka was snug as a bug in a rug, dressed in his flannel night clothes, layered upon layer of woolen blankets, he was sound asleep, dreaming of revenge and sweet dancing sugar plums, his sweet little students, creating a bonfire to burn Icha Icha by. Iruka was smiling in unholy glee in his sleep. He was quite happy, content, and completely deeply sound asleep. He didn't feel the disturbance of chakra as Anbu carefully picked locks and disabled stinging traps, this Anbu bit on his lip hard to keep from crying out as one trap snapped on his finger, breaking it.

Breathing hard but silently, he tiptoed into the sensei's' room and glared down at the sleeping chunin, feeling his ice cold heart melt, just a teensy tiny bit, at the sight before his eyes. He reluctantly forgave the meddlesome sensei all of his faults including the times said sensei had yelled at him for turning in a late report, and even forgave the sensei for creating a trap that snapped his finger's bones.

Iruka looked quite young and very, very happy, like a little caterpillar in its cocoon, the blankets were wrapped around Iruka and impossible to untangle the teacher from. The Anbu grunted under the weight, surprised by how heavy the sensei plus blankets, plus stuffed ragged ancient teddy-bear was.

Just a little bit away from Konoha the Anbu gently dropped off his package into the tiny one room cabin, and waited patiently for his fellow Anbu to arrive with the medicated and dosed Copy Ninja in tow.

Kakashi though medicated was not an elite ninja for nothing, even dosed and heavily medicated it was obvious he had fought his Anbu escort tooth and nail. The copy ninja was glaring balefully out of chakra cuffs and wire.

"Why are your doing this? What is this about? Who put you up to this?" demanded the irate ex-Anbu captain.

The Anbu smirked and answered him nothing. They simply shoved the shivering copy-nin into the cabin and locked the door behind him, also enacting a chakra barrier to make it impossible for either shinobi to escape from the cabin without the help of their Anbu guards on the outside.

* * *

TBC - hopefully by the end of next week I will have the final chapter up and available. ^_^

Thank you for reading. Please review.


	6. Tsunade's Interest

**I am also on LiveJournal: Jazzy2may**

**I know! Its a HOLIDAY miracle, I'm back with an update. LOL ^_^**

* * *

Icha Icha Sensei Part 6

* * *

It was yet another Christmas, Tsunade noticed the state of Iruka and Kakashi. They both looked ragged and depressed as ever.

One of her Anbu sighed. Out the window was another painful show of Iruka ignoring Kakashi and Kakashi looked as dejected and rejected as ever.

Tsunade blinked. She had never heard an Anbu quite like that. It sounded as if the Anbu was sad.

"So, tell me, something Anbu-kun, what is the thing between Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-baka?"

Anbu straightened into attention then gathered his thoughts to report.

"It began long ago, Iruka-sensei became fixed in the academy and at the missions desk as well as assisting the Third. Iruka-sensei was indispensible, much like the Lady Shizune-sama is to you, Hokage-sama. At this time, Kakashi-san was much like he is today though a little more chipper, a little more playful, unlike how he is at present, depressed and rejected. Kakashi-san treated it like a game, and Iruka-sensei was as oblivious then as he is today. As far as the ones in the know can figure it started with a novel."

A meaningful Pause. "An Icha Icha Novel. Perhaps you have heard of it? Icha Icha Sensei?"

Tsunade glared balefully. "Damn that Jiraiya! Infecting my shinobi. I should have those books burned." She griped. "I can't believe this. All because of Icha Icha?"

"Yes, quite." Replied the Anbu stoicly.

"Anyway, we have all watched this farce for too long. The Third eventually enacted a plan, but though the two shinobi were trapped in a cabin outside the village and snowed in, as well as barricaded in through chakra barrier, for several days, things went very badly and have continued to spiral downhill after the chunin exams, and then." Shrug. "Sasuke left and team 7 broke apart and then well, Naruto was like a son to Iruka-sensei, to have his son also leave…."

"Wait, go back, I want to hear more of this story. How long has this been going on? What happened between the two men? I can understand some of the current situation, both men must feel sad for the loss of Team 7… but you're saying there's something more between Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-kun?" asked the Lady Hokage incredulous.

"I was not always aware of such things. I only know parts of it; the more recent parts that is. Shall I call in Asuma-san? Or perhaps one of the many desk ninja, or perhaps even Guy-sensei?"

At the mention of the Green Beast's name, Tsunade winced and shook her head in a definite and assertive NO WAY.

The door creaked open and in stepped several shinobi; Anko, Asuma, Kurenai, Shikamaru Nara, Shino Aburami, Sakura, Genma, Kotetsu his partner Izumo, and of course Ibiki Morino.

"Discussing the issue with Kakashi and Iruka again?" asked the Head of Torture and Interrogation, Information gathering, with a scowl.

"Let the story-telling begin!" cried Anko excitedly.

"It was troublesome." Insisted Shikamaru in his usual bored tone of voice.

Shino elaborated only slightly. "Wherever Iruka-sensei was, the man with the orange book always appeared."

Tsunade raised a curious eyebrow. "And?" she asked.

"Kakashi-sensei was stalking Iruka-sensei." Insisted Shikamaru, not happy to point out the obvious, to his Hokage.

Sakura nodded, her face a storm cloud. "Imagine how disappointed I was to find that same pervert had also been appointed my Jounin instructor? I'm sure it was some other weird attempt of the Third to try and get Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei together. Unfortunately it just didn't pan out."

"It was pretty funny." Laughed Genma. "Kakashi was always setting Iruka off. There wasn't a day when Kakashi was doing something pretty damned outrageous to get the little chunin's attentions."

Anko giggled. "Too true."

"Yeah, and what about that one time, it was just after the genin graduated…" snickered Kotetsu.

Sakura scowled. Her plan had been squashed before it ever got off the ground not to mention that Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun had disappeared during that time as well '_and had come back from that time seemingly closer then ever'_ insisted inner Sakura suspicion laced heavily in her voice.

Izumo smirked. "I know, man that was hilarious. It drove us all crazy."

"What, what happened?" asked Tsunade, eager to know what the two were getting at.

Kotetsu began, "Well, one day Iruka-sensei was teaching as usual. He was outside with his genin students. And well…"

Continued Izumo, "No one really knows what happened toset Iruka off. Buthe ran and he ran, he ran away in to the forest of death. We searched for him and we searched for him. Many of us giving up hope, all but for Kakashi and his ninja-k9s, they would not give up. Kakashi was like a man possessed."

"TRUE, MY COMRADES, A MAN POSSESSED OF THE YOUTHFULLNESS IN THE FULL BLOOM OF TRUE LOVE." Said Guy-sensei, making his usual dynamic entry, holly decorating his hair for the winter season.

Everyone winced.

"SHUT IT GUY-SAN!" growled the Hokage. "I want to hear this story, without your loud voice ruining it for me."

Guy face-planted and looked terribly wounded. Everyone as usual tried to ignore him.

"Well." Continued Kotetsu. "Iruka got lost in the forest for three weeks! On Purpose. We all feared he was dead. But then one day he crawled back into the village. He was highly embarrassed. He explained that for some odd reason his intuition went hay-wire and his self-preservation took over. He thought he had been in serious danger. Iruka was very embarrassed and apologetic of course. He's worked harder since then not to give in to his instincts of running away."

Izumo finished, "Iruka explained to us in his weird logic that if _he_ was lost in the forest then his pursuer would be lost as well. Which of course we were." He scowled, remembering his injuries from that time searching worried and frantic for his childhood buddy

Anko cheerfully supplied the rest of the story. "Even Kakashi and his ninja-dogs were lost. Iruka was quite good at creating false trails and leading Kakashi and the dogs around on goose chase after goose chase. Anyway, it was disasters upon disasters like that one that kept going down between the two of them, between Iruka and Kakashi. They attract disaster."

"I got to say, it amused my father to no end, the situation between Kakashi and Iruka." Commented Asuma, less then merry to recall how much it really had amused Sandaime so.

"I believe it." agreed Tsunade, recalling her sense's strange sense of humor.

Asuma sighed. "I love Iruka-sensei like a brother, he might as well have been my brother for all that my father kept him constantly at his side and in our home, but let me say this." He took a deep lung full of his cancer stick then let it out in a slow relaxing stream. "How Iruka-sensei could be so oblivious and be a chunin has always been a puzzle to me. I'm not saying he doesn't have the skills. My gods, when he's on the ball, he's fantastic, a top rate chunin. But how can he not know that Kakashi is in love with him? It kills me." He growled. He took another puff on his cigarette.

Tsunade snorted. "It doesn't surprise me. I've known the Uminos for three generations. All of them loyal and versatile soldiers, some even became Jounin and one I'm pretty sure was an Anbu, but all of them had the same flaw. Every single one of them, sharp cookies, except when it came to the love right under their own noses. Not a single one of them could figure out how to go about falling in love or noticing the person with the biggest crush on them a kunai's edge away! If it wasn't for scheming friends not a single one of them would have married the loves of their lives! I get the feeling its some deeply ingrained hereditary fear of commitment."

Ibiki's eyes glinted with the commitment of new knowledge to his brain. Information was always a good thing to have on your friends, subordinates, and enemies alike.

"Go on tell me more. What happened next."

Guy-sensei slumped further as Kurenai took a turn and described the disaster at outright courtship Kakashi tried to do.

"It was cute, even if it was rather twisted and perverted."

Guy-sensei whimpered. "It was not supposed to be so." He whispered, rather his whisper was that of normal speak. "I took it upon my shoulders to console my eternal rival, and tell him the ways of wooing."

Kurenai snorted. "Yes, if by whooing, you mean, reading Icha Icha Love poetry – Porn scenes! To a school teacher in the middle of the day."

"As well as by moonlight in the middle of the night and coming back from missions." Laughed Anko, nearing hysterics. "Boy, the neighborhood sure was noisy that month." hahahaha.

"As you can imagine Iruka-sensei did not take kindly to such things, especially at night and well, especially during class time – alright, lets be clear, hell! any time Kakashi read Icha Icha, Iruka took exceptional exception to it. And Kakashi usually ended up in need of first aid. Iruka is very scary" Genma finished for the laughing kunoichi.

Many shinobi erupted with laughter recalling how that particular endeavor had met a painful end.

"My eternal rival has limited tastes and knowledge of all things romantic. He thinks Icha Icha is what whooing and love is about." Guy-sensei looked ready to cry manly tears of compassion. "He was misguided in his honest and sincere youthtful endeavor to whoo the love of his tender heart." defended Guy valiantly.

"Yes, that's pretty obvious." Said Kurenai with a hint of sympathy. It hadn't been Guy's fault, not really. He had just been trying to help his wayward friend and perverted friend to win over his true love.

"And don't forget how Iruka-sensei really really tried to get his own temper under control." Insisted Sakura not liking how Iruka-sensei was turning into an abusive bad guy in the retellings of the older shinobi's stories.

The group paused to take that announcement into account. Genma's senbon twitched as he tried to not laugh at a particularly vivid memory.

"Yes, we cannot fault the endeavors of the misfortunately bi-po- lar-er," Guy quickly changed his words, sensing Kakashi in the window, ease dropping on their little gather. He didn't wish to offend his rival or besmirch his beloved. "I mean Youthfully Passionate! Yes, quite youthful! A firecracker of youth and passion, a worthy and strong man of great emotion and compassion! A truly magnificent epitome of what an academy teacher should be!" thumbs up, teeth glinting blindingly.

"He really did try." Said Shino. "Unfortunately it was not long before his will failed him, no doubt due to Kakashi-sensei's weird form of courtship."

Shikamaru choked on a laugh which he covered up with a cough. He too was aware of the man outside listening in. "Like the one time he poked sensei incessantly throughout a shift at the missions desk."

Tsunade smirked. "I wish I had seen that."

"Yes, Iruka fought his temper valiantly." Complimented Ibiki. "However Kakashi broke him in the end."

Every man and women in the room nodded their agreement. "Too true." They murmured. "That's for damned sure." "My god did he ever!" chuckle, laugh sputter, hysterical laughter.

* * *

Kakashi felt more gloom and despair pile on him feeling as if it was compressing his heart. How could they so callously discuss his failures like this? Did they not understand the pain he was in? He should have been Iruka's boyfriend long before now. However Kakashi kept messing it up. He was incapable of saying the right things to Iruka, to make the man fall as deeply in love with him as he was deeply in love with Iruka.

Just remembering that Christmas brought him even more pain; how could he fail so spectacularly when it came to Iruka? When it came to the sensei Kakashi's timing was way off and his patience, well what patience? It was nonexistent when it came to Iruka.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

The Christmas two years before the genin graduation.

The night was chill, well below zero, there was firewood and food stocked in the cabin. Iruka was sound asleep and seemingly dead to the world and oblivious of his surroundings. Kakashi shivered, as he studied the cabin, testing and looking for a weakness in the barrier surrounding them and finding none. They were stuck until they were released from the cabin either by will of the Hokage or by the will of whoever was in charge of this strange kidnapping scheme.

It was one could almost admit to, romantic, if it wasn't that the motives were so unclear Kakashi might even enjoy such a situation with his snug as a bug in a rug, burrowed under several layers of warm and comfy blankets, chunin love.

_Build a fire, dumb dumb_. Growled his inner-self. _Here's your chance! Make a smooth move for once in your pathetic love chasing life!_

So Kakashi made afire and then came his fatal error. He snuggled right under the blankets without an invite. The blankets had been so very tempting. They had been like a hussy, hot and spread out for a man to wrap himself around and thrust into. That morning Kakashi was rudely awakened by scandalized cries and a teddy-bear beating the crap out of his thick head. Beady vengeful **teddy bear eyes** glared at him as they came down to smack him again and again. boy did that **teddy bear** pack quite the wallop. Kakashi was quickly bruised in a very odd pattern of beaded dots.

Also along with the beating from dear sweet teddy came the loud screeching of Iruka-sensei calling him all kinds of cad, and lowlife, and pervert, and, "you better not have touched me in any inappropriate places or I'll kill you!" threats.

It was not a good morning and it did not promise to get any better as soon as Iruka realized like Kakashi had the previous night, they were trapped in this cabin, just the two of them, for however Kami knows how long it would be for.

"I was cold." Whimpered Kakashi as Iruka finally calmed down and grudgingly made an ice pack for then tended to the wounds he had inflicted on Kakashi.

"Still, you should have at least tried to wake me and ask permission to share the blankets. If you had done so, I would have gladly divvied them up evenly between us." explained Iruka glaring at the slumped chastised jounin.

"I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei." Kakashi apologized for the sixteenth time since the beginning of the lectures and rants.

Iruka was reluctantly mollified. "Fine, I accept you apology. You need to communicate better Kakashi you're as bad as a three year old but unlike a three year old you should already have the knowledge of the words you need to express yourself with!"

"I am not a communicator, but I will try." Promised Kakashi sincerely he really wanted to make Iruka happy.

They managed to for the first two days to come to a somewhat nice bit of a truce. They shared space, talked, fixed meals together, sometimes they just simply sat quietly gazing outside at the pile up of snow. Each in their own way enjoying the break from their every day lives. Though Iruka did worry incessantly about the kids, the Hokage, the missions desk, the chunins and jounins, there was little and few things that Iruka did not worry himself sick over. Kakashi worried for Iruka's health, physical as well as mental. A man who worried that much was looking at early heart attack or a break down or both.

Of course their peace and truce was not meant to last. Kakashi had been weak to Iruka's charms. He had stolen a kiss. Iruka had it seemed for a moment melted into Kakashi's arms. It was heaven, and then it was hell. Teddybear, that precious antique, the last remnant of parental love and Christmas gift received, came into wrathful life and beat Kakashi black and blue and ended their quarantine in the snow capped cabin.

* * *

"And Sandaime's last ditch effort was the cabin?"

"Yes. He called it Mission: Love Trap. Unfortunately, it was a disaster. Their destiny has not come to pass, those two just aren't meant to be. They're just not compatible."

"You're a Hyuuga." Gasped Anko in horror and betrayal.

The Anbu did not choose to answer such a question with an obvious answer.

"The timing just hasn't been right." Insisted Kurenai. "But its obvious, at least in regards to Kakashi, that he is in love with Iruka-sensei."

"And Iruka to." Insisted Kotetsu and Izumo.

Jaws dropped. Kakashi almost fell from his perch hidden in the shadow of the window. He couldn't have heard that right, could he? He thought Iruka hated him. Especially when he had cut Iruka with his barbed tongue at the chunin proposal meeting.

"Iruka wouldn't take things so personally if Kakashi wasn't touching something in his heart." Agreed Anko.

Ibiki grunted. "True, but Iruka is stubborn. He keeps running long and hard from Kakashi. Which is understandable. Kakashi is one hell of crazy."

"I like to think of myself as eccentric." Pouted Kakashi.

"Hello Brat, good to see that you finally decided to join the conversation." Glowered Tsunade, unimpressed as usual.

Kakashi sighed. "How can I resist when my love life id the center of strategic planning?" eye closed in an amused and jaunty U. Though he seemed amused in fact he was depressed and unhappy. He really wanted to make Iruka happy. He wanted Iruka. He wanted the chunin sensei to love him.

"Kakashi, your problem is that you think too much but then mess it up with an ill conceived act of impulse. What you need to do is just come straight out and say it to Iruka. Say it plain. Don't fancy it up. Don't plan extravagant plans. Just walk right up to Iruak and admit that you like him. Tell him directly and sincerely every time you see him, "I LIKE YOU" and then he will eventually figure out that you are telling the truth and then he will either accept it and you two will go on to stage two or he will reject you, as he has continued to do since the first time you tried to get his attention. As I see it you have nothing to loose and everything to gain from telling him the truth from your heart."

"But, what if he rejects me? Really rejects me." asked Kakashi for the first time laying bare before his friends and Hokage alike his fears and vulnerability.

"Honestly Kakashi-san, I don't think he will." assured Kurenai.

"Yeah, you might rub him the wrong way on occasion, but he looks out for you, ya know." insisted Genma.

"When your late to the missions desk, he worries. He doesn't leave until he knows you've returned safe from a mission." said Kotetsu.

"Sure you've hurt his feelings and he's paid his wrath on you, but really if you think about it, you're really the only one who can pull that sort of intense reaction from him. Its obvious he loves you." said Izumo.

"He just has to open his eyes to his own heart and feelings and then accept his own feelings and it shouldn't be long before he accepts yours as well." Insisted Ibiki, uncomfortably, he even blushed. Which was a sight to be seen on his scarred and scary face.

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THE FINALE COMING NEXT CHAPTER

SCARECROW DOLPHIN LOV"N coming next chapter! ^_^

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Thank you for reading. Please review.


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